Entry tags:

120, james, james/lily, lily, sirius, sirius/james, summersmut

Green
Title: Green
Pairing: James/Lily, Sirius/James?
Rating: R
Word Count: ~1,300
Warnings: Infidelity, maybe.
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: The green-eyed monster raises its ugly head, and makes Lily imagine things. Or is it only imagination?
Author's Notes: Many thanks to my beta, Minnow.

Written for the 2009 hp_summersmut, here and here



I hear the Floo and rush to the living-room to answer, but James beats me to it. When I arrive, he’s already laughing, and I know that Sirius is at the other end.

He only laughs like that for Sirius. It’s a loud, uninhibited laugh, which seems to be induced by the mere sound of Sirius's voice. Well, I can’t see any other reason: surely Sirius hasn't had time to tell James any of his off-color jokes yet.

It isn't the way you’d laugh at a joke, anyway. It’s laughter that comes from the heart. James isn’t amused, he is just happy. Like he always is when Sirius is around.

Much happier than when he is with me.

Oh, yes, of course I’m the love of his life, he tells me. I’m the only woman he ever wanted to marry, he says.

He made that clear: he pursued me for years before I gave in and admitted that, behind my hostile facade, I fancied him, too. He made a fool of himself in front of the whole school, asking me out on dates and cringing when I spurned him again and again.

The other girls thought I was crazy for rejecting him, the star of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, a good-looking, self-assured pureblood, scion of one of the old families. I played up to them, acting hard to get, calling him names and, inside, feeling like I was a queen. James Potter, the one everyone wanted, wanted only me.

How could I ever have suspected that the boy who swore he couldn't live without me, who made love to me so ardently, was bisexual? I almost died when he told me he'd "had an experience or two" with men, the same day he proposed to me, a couple of months after we left school. He assured me he loved me, and wanted me to marry him, but he didn't want to keep anything from me. There should be no secrets between us, he said, insinuating, but not asking upfront, that I should come clean, too. I assumed he wanted to know if I’d had a fling with Severus. Well, I was a virgin before James, so he knew we couldn’t have gone very far, but I suppose he was curious to find out whether Severus had kissed me, or touched my breasts.

I was so shocked by his admission that when he asked if he was my first serious boyfriend, I said, almost absent-mindedly, “Yes, you are.” He frowned, but then I asked him with whom he'd had his “experience or two”, and he shrugged, saying, "Not important."

Unfortunately, he said that a little too quickly, and with a deep blush. I immediately suspected it was someone I knew. Coyly, forcing a smile, I offered, "Was it Remus?"

He laughed at the suggestion. "Remus? He's straight as an arrow. And so's Peter," he added.

"And, of course, so's Sirius," I laughed, relieved that it wasn't any of his mates. That would have been uncomfortable, since I knew I was sort of marrying the four of them.

With a glint in his eyes, he shook his head. "No, Sirius is gay."

I froze. I could have accepted Remus or Peter, but not Sirius. Sirius was...too much. Too good-looking, too charming, too...

Too much of a threat.

I averted my eyes. I didn't want to look at James at that moment, because I was terrified that I’d see the truth, that all the time he was wooing me, he was fucking Sirius. And I was sure there must have been a lot more than one or two experiences, even though they did share a dorm with their two straight mates. Sirius and James were inseparable, joined at the hip, and Sirius was living with James's parents then, so obviously they’d had plenty of opportunity to get together.

I didn't want to know. I shrugged and changed the subject, complimenting the food, although it suddenly tasted foul. The wine turned to vinegar, thin and sour, and the glittering diamond ring he slid onto my finger looked as fake as a cheap bauble.

Afterwards, when he took me home, he came up to my flat and kissed me. He told me again and again that he loved me, and then took me to bed. His touch, which normally made me shiver with pleasure, was not enough that night. He kissed my breasts, and I closed my eyes and saw him kissing Sirius. He entered me and I imagined how it had been with him and Sirius – who had fucked who then?

He came, whispering my name and telling me how happy he was that I had agreed to marry him and have a family. I lay there, combing his hair with my fingers, trying to believe that he really did love me, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. But I was unable to dismiss the nagging thought that he was looking for a breeder rather than a wife, someone to have his children, the Potter heirs, the only thing Sirius couldn't give him.

***

Of course Sirius was the best man at our wedding. He planned a stag party for "stags and other animals" that he promised would be a blast. I didn't smile when he said that he’d take care of James for me, that I shouldn't worry about the groom having too much of a good time with the strippers he'd hired for the party.

I wasn’t jealous of the strippers. In fact, I'd have been quite happy for them to fuck my fiancé; I just didn’t want his best friend to do it. But of course I didn't say anything, and Sirius joked with me about my solemn face. "You don't trust me, Lily? Believe me, I won't let any of the girls even get close to James."

Yes, I knew he wouldn't. He was the one who would get close to James.

***

They’re still talking on the Floo, James lowering his voice from time to time, then laughing out loud: that happy laugh again. They can talk for hours. I do - and at the same time I don't - want to know what they're talking about. Sometimes I go into the room and I hear Quidditch discussions. But more often Sirius – or James – stops suddenly when I appear. One day I confronted James and asked him why Sirius had stopped in mid-sentence, and James, grinning, said he'd been describing this bloke he was seeing in a bit of a crude way. Apparently he didn't want to hurt my sensibilities. As if I’d never seen a prick in my life.

Sirius never brings any of his blokes to our house. He never mentions any of them when I’m around. I think it’s because he actually has only one bloke, who happens to be my husband. They don’t only talk on the Floo all the time. They see each other almost as much as they did at school, especially now that I'm pregnant. I have been so nauseous that I can't get out of bed most days. They go out to Order meetings, and out for drinks, what James calls “a pint with the blokes.” Or rather, bloke.

James has asked me if Sirius can be godfather to our child. Just to be difficult, I asked him, “Why not Remus or Peter?” He told me, logically enough, that Sirius was his best mate, and everyone knew it. Remus and Peter wouldn't be offended, and we would have other children, anyway.

I really didn't have anyone else in mind to be godfather, so I nodded. But I can't prevent myself from thinking that, if something happens to me, James might, after all, have the family he wants.

Him, Sirius, and a child.